Mom, are you there?

l've always known that I wanted to be a mother. It's been a part of my desired identity for as long as I can remember.

And also – I’ve always known that it would be painful to do it without my mother.

When the day finally came, despite how much I thought l'd "prepared" myself… the lived experience of my early days of motherhood were some of the loneliest and most humbling of my life.

I found myself surprised that it wasn't only the meaningful moments that made me long for my mother, but in those hard moments. All of those micro moments --

The ways that I was learning my daughter's needs, nursing, making the temperature of her bath water just right, learning the meaning of an eyebrow raise or the signs that she was tired.

That attunement -- I had a sense before about the ways that mothers do this, but becoming so newly acquainted with the intricacies of it -- my heart broke again every time I wanted to reach for my own mother and couldn't.

It was so painful that I couldn't in real life talk to my mom about her lived experience.

It was hard to witness my friends have their mothers around to support, and hard not leak my grief out onto my daughter.

To this day, the most healing thing that helped me through was connecting with others who lost their moms and could, in their own way, "get it" and hold it with me.

Community, l've found, has made the biggest difference. I want this so badly for every mom who has experienced mother loss -- to be seen and felt -- and to feel less alone in it.

And that is why I’m hosting the Motherless Mothers Support Group. To create community and support moms who are braving the wild world of motherhood without their own moms.

If you are a mother who has lost your mother. If you are pregnant and/or have young children.

Come join us. I want to support you. You don’t have to hold it alone.

If you aren’t a mother yourself, but know someone who is – send this email to her.

Screenshot it. Forward it. Send this to someone you know who needs it.

Or better yet, just forward to your entire network. Someone on there knows someone who needs this, and we want to be there for her.

The only way to move forward in grief is to do so with compassion and community – reminding ourselves and each other that we are not alone.

So much love to you and yours.

Warmly,
Randi